This is an incomplete list of activities compiled by moderators during the Sex-Positive Content Retreat 2019. We want to share them with the rest of the world to create a resource on which we can build better, more inclusive and fun activities to play with our bodies, and learn about ourselves in the process.
ENTRY LEVEL ACTIVITIES
- Hot Seat / Connection / Intellectual games
- Men / Women circles
- Role Playing
- Theater improvisation
- Fear inventories
2.Possibly both physical or non-physical
This ice breaker to do as opening for play parties, or depending on the audience for any kind of activities.
Goal: Allow people to express their desires (and abilities) and give each other opportunity to voluntarily choose with whom they want to interact. As soon as two people meet for an activity, we ask them to negotiate how to do it.
This can be structured in different ways. Either with stations where some people sit for the whole duration of the game, or with a few rounds that make it possible to offer a session for a certain duration and then repeat the game with other people.
The logistics is simple, one third of the group is asked to offer a session where a craft is proposed (massage, kissing, fucking, hitting, ropes, etc.) and all the other participants can go ‘shopping on the market’. Groups of several people are possible. As a client you should start negotiations, i.e. once you have decided to play together, you must agree on how and within what limits.
During this game, the emphasis should be on the fact that even if someone offers a service, it is up to them to accept or decline the terms of a negotiation or simply explain whether they feel comfortable with the person.
Also, there will always be people who do not want to attend a session (or all sessions are full). In this case the moderator should create a way for these people to spend a good and fulfilling time together. Usually children’s games work best. They are funny, easy and not scary (like twisters, erotic storytelling, human pyramids sitting on people’s laps while sitting in circles, one-two-three freezing in a narrow hallway, finding a color on people’s clothes, etc.).
The moderator should give many examples, create an easy and entertaining environment. Fun and energetic experiences are best for short sessions. Timing the session with a signal of 3 minutes before the end also help the groups to find an end for their session and keep the whole group in good shape.
Games to express desires
These games are a category of ice-breakers
Goal: Allow people to connect with themselves and others, express their desires and learn to respect the boundaries of others.
Goal: To learn how to be open about our desires (without expectations), how to receive (without fears) and how to trust the group. Remove shame, provide a tool with which people can connect.
A simple exchange activity in a circle. This is best continued with a group that has been interacting for some time and allows people to get to know each other at a certain level, both physically and mentally. This game implies a certain degree of personal awareness of the participants and a certain dose of honesty and courage. Depending on the group, this type of game can be a success or simply cause a lot of awkwardness.
Popping up, partecipants are asked to share their desires for somebody in the group. This should be as spontaneous as possible. The facilitator can propose a bit of role playing to introduce the idea (funny roleplaying is a plus) and explain the basic goals of the excercise. Partecipants can be asked to stay sit, and just address a person from far away to unveil their desires for him/her, or in a more teatrical way, standing up, inviting somebody else to stand up and declaring the desire to it and the group.
The facilitator gives permission to the person receiving the desire, to propose to fullfill this desire.
Goal: Express desire, but learn how to play respectfully within the rules on a group, or of an activity.
An interesting variation is, when unveiling the desire, the person also makes a contract with the group to not attempt to fullfill this desire ( at least till the end of the activity ). Example : My desire is to suck the nipples of a woman, I make a contract with the group, not to ask this person to fulfill this desire. Or for example, before an activity involing pysical non-sexual contact, the desire might be to feel (sexually) the dick of a man, and the contract is to avoid any sexualized psysical contact.
Games to explore boundaries, saying yes, saying no
Depending on the audience games/activities to express and creating awareness of personal boundaries can be new and exciting of down to boring and empty. Proposing “let’s practice to say no” to a group of people that are attending sex-positive parties every week since 2 eyars can be extemely boring. On the contrary, this kind of activity can be extremely empowering for somebody new to the scene.
Therefore going on automatic drive when proposing such activities and proposising them just because is expected from a circle facilitator is not beneficial.
Without knowing your audience, it is difficult to plan games to express boundaries, so know your audience ahead. When you’re not sure: Create a safer space and repeat the basic and simple games on the theme if necessary.
Basic yes/no games
Goal: To empower poeple to clearly express their boundaries
Yes/No games can be verbal or non-verbal. In any case, the role play connected with them should enable the participants to perceive their body feelings and to internalize new possibilities of action, so that they have tools at their disposal which they can apply to other situations.
This should also be clearly explained, as the goal is not to spend 20 minutes repeating robotically something, but really to create awareness and empower people.
Verbal games can be as easy to put two people one in front of the other and ask them to make a proposition on one side, and say no on the other. This can be make fun, giving permission to make propositions that are absurd, overly sexual, or plain unacceptable, but this could also at the same time undermine the goal of the activity. The facilitator should find a balance while presenting this game adapted to the audience.
Mirroring yes/no game
An interesting spin to verbal yes/no is to add an element of mirroring.
Goal: To empower partecipants to say yes/no, and at the same time think on the intentions of the person proposing.
This is a simple variation on yes/no games, where partecipants are not only asked to answer yes or no, but also to guess the intention of the person asking the question. An example could be to offer a kiss on the chick with an intention of lust, or simple an intention of love. Mirroring back what we felt is a powerful tool to check within ourselves what are the deep motivations to accept and refuse a proposition.
Another variation could be to add an element of radical honesty and make this game less an impro game where people are asked to play a character, but more a connection game the facilitator gives permission to partecipants to be themselves and go deep and with their fears and desires.
Goal: allow partecipants to develop awareness of their own psysical boundaries, and of those of other people.
Ask the partecipants to create an immaginary bubble around them representing their boundaries, and subsequently, walking in the room and meeting others learning how to see and touch the bubble of the other person without pearcing it.
You can ask at the beginning to create soap bubble that burst and explode (and therefore the person goes away), plastic bubble, where if one push forward, the other just walk backward, or bubbles that can melt, where we allow somebody else in our bubble and we melt our bubbles (for example with an hug, or a kiss).
This game can be done in stages, where with each variation, we ask people to think about their emotions and reactions and act afterwards.
This game might be closed up with a round of exchange about the feeling experienced during the game, and ask people to share them freely with the rest of the group, or personally one-to-one.
Goal: Feel the boundaries when in a group, stay focus on multiple people at the same time. Tune with the emotions of multiple partners.
A variation of this game is to play with three people, where one plays the membrane between the confortzone of two others. He is the one doing all the work being the person in charge to feel the other two people and interpreting their wish. This can be done also as an ice breaker leading to group sex. In this case the three should at least in principle agree to try the experience together and follow their desires as we go on.
The facilitator in this last variation has the responsability to check if everybody is ok, but ultimately the responsability to pull out from an excercise lies with the individuals. So making this clear from the beginning and giving permission to pull out at any time is essential. A gong or a signal can be used to ask people to change partners and doing only a few supervides rounds.
Foot Steps (impro theatre warm up)
Goal: group dynamics / attention&focus / losing shyness
Person A is walking around the room, just strolling around, doing “boring” stuff like looking around, maybe lifting some imaginary object up to look at it, yawning – whatever comes too mind, can be silly stuff too. Person B has to follow around and imitate what Person A does. Person B should try to really focus on Person A so that they can imitate as perfect as possible. After a while Person A can leave, Person B becomes Person A and another Person follows their footsteps. It’s a calm game with not so much action going on, nor the objective of winning – but it’s a good training to pay attention to movements and non-verbal signals. The only way of interaction is one person copying the movements of the other person. Game is non-verbal.
Goal: group dynamics / attention&focus / losing shyness
A silent game, no talking allowed! It’s a good game for outdoors or at least in a bigger room. It’s important that players first get to pick their two other triangle parts and just then get to know the rules.
- Step 1: Make two rows with equal numbers of players standing opposite from each other. The players are advised to silently and without eye contact they sould pick two people from the opposite row. It’s is necessary that people have no clue from whom they got picked.
- Step 2: Get lost of the rows, people are told to randomly losely spread across the room, not to far from each other (because they will need a lot of space)
- Step 3: People are advised to silently form a isosceles triangle (i.e. a triangle with the same lenght on all sides) with the other two people. this has to be done without the other two people noticing – so there will be a lot of re-adjusting and movement going on, since everyone is does not only pay attention to “his/her/their” two corner parts but also is a corner of some body elses triangle. At some point the group should find an end – this is doable! People should be advised by the moderator that its better to do it slowely then to run – or people will figure it out themselves usually.
When the group is standing still, it will be resolved verbally who formed a triangle with whom.
Goal: Get to know each other / group dynamics / movement & wake up
The moderator prepares a bingo sheet with tasks that people should do with each other. That can be all kinds of things, like “Find somebody to do 10 push-ups with you”, “Find somebody who will share a childhood memory with you”, “find someone who has the same kink as you” “find someone who will give a compliment to you”, “find someone who can show you their sillyiest face expression” “Find someone to give you a little massage on a bodypart that you would like to have” etc. Like in every bingo game, who has their bingo screams “BINGO” and is finished. It is important that all participants get to finish their sheet so its not about winning but interacting.
Goal: Get to know each other / group dynamics / movement & wake up
People move around in the room, slow or fast walking. The moderator says with a loud voice a number (maybe not to high). People then have to find enough other people to form a molecule with said number – e.g. by holding hands, bu surelay as long as consent or physical safety are established any other creative ways are OK too. Check first for hard limits and zones that cannot be touched if you agree on forming molecules by something that is not holding hands.
Kevin alone at home
Goal: Get to know each other / group dynamics / activation / losing shyness
The groups sits or kneels in a circle on the ground, with closed eyes. The group counts to three and at three at the same moment everybody opens their eyes, look up and look at one person – this all has to be done quickly and intuitively! If two persons look each other in the eyes, they both have to raise their hands and scream loudly – ust “AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH”. Then after the scream the group goes back to beeing silent, let there besome seconds to sink in after the scream, then do the next countdown and repeat.
Walk around like
Goal: Get to know each other / group dynamics / activation / losing shyness
First walk around the room normally, and whenever you encounter somebody, stop, shake hands formally and introduce yourself to each other. Then keep on walking. Do this for a while so people get repeatedly the chance to greet each other and remember names. Then the moderator starts says “Walk around like” thereby setting a topi. That could be anything: Cowboy, Fish, Cactus,old lady, somebody in love, under water, drunk – what ever comes to mind. Be hilarious but also remember to be respectful. You can also mix the topic with adusting speed, like walking around like a fish first normally, then in super slow motion, then in timelapse.
Goal: group dynamics / activation / losing shyness
In this game, the group builds a machine. Each member of the group is one part of the machine
Ecstatic dance is a style of free form dance in which the music is the
teacher. In this form of dance, there is no structure or steps to follow or
any particular way to dance. >
Ecstatic Dancing is a wonderful to to release energy to allow people to connect
using the music and movement as a medium. All participant agree not to talk and
to keep the space conversation free, to create a sort of shared meditative
state. Apart for being a wonderful experience per-se, Ecstatic Dancing gives
people the possibility to explore their connection with their body, surrounded
by other people. These moments create a sense of community where people live and
feel the movement as one. Participants are invited to be couscous of others
and their space, and to use non-verbal gestures in order to gain agreement
before initiating partner or interactive dance. Sharing these kind of activities
is a powerful tool to create a sense of trust and connection, in particular when
this is linked to strong and intense full body sensations. We learn about non
verbal communication, we learn how to share our emotions in a way that is often
not safe to experience. It is also only part of a puzzle. Is like feeling for a
short period of time capable to talk the same language, a language that we
didn’t know before we could talk.
(sometime called “Contact Dancing”)
Contact improvisation is a form of improvised and not structured dancing that
involves the exploration of one’s body in relationship to others by using the
fundamentals of sharing weight, touch, and movement awareness.
The exigencies of the form dictate a mode of movement which is relaxed,
constantly aware and prepared, and on-flowing. As a basic focus, the dancers
remain in physical touch, mutually supportive and innovative, meditating upon
the physical laws relating to their masses: gravity, momentum, inertia, and
friction. They do not strive to achieve results, but rather, to meet the
constantly changing physical reality with appropriate placement and energy.
The absence of structure in the dance itself invites people to be constantly
aware of the other person, feeling their body, be aware of their own. This type
of dance is a beautiful metaphor for how intimate life should be with somebody.
Dancers learn to let it go, to stop intellectualizing every single movement, but
go with the flow, supported and supporting another person in this common
journey. It is also a great way to learn to communicate between the lines. A
shift of weight, a few degrees rotation in one direction. These are the signals,
or invitations, that are common in contact dancing. Learning to accept or refuse
these invitations gracefully is a skill participants can learn, and integrate
in their life.
This type of interaction comes also with many challenges. People need to be
aware of their body and comfortable with physical touch. Everybody should be
aware of the intention of their touch and be able to communicate verbally and
no-verbally during the dance. This activity can be used to elucidate the
importance of the intention a touch carries with it. How dance can sublimate
these desires, and how we can practice restraint, while at the same time making
our partner(s) aware of our desires and fears.
Tango dancing is a beautiful and sensual dance. It allows to connect to people at a deeper level. It has nothing sexulal (and better to keep sex separate from dancing), but at it’s core we can find many common values. Active listening, non judgement, feeling as body and spirit, trust, let yourself go. It’s a beautiful metaphor for love and connection.
Body decoration / Bodypaint
(With glitter, temporary tattoos, paint, etc)
Weather 2, 3 or many hands, massage is an amazing way to connect. It’s a gateway to appreciate different bodies, feeling the other, learn how to touch and to ask how to be touched. Massage can be non sexual, or sexual, depending on the agreement among the partecipants.
Clothed Cuddle puddles
Clothed cuddle puddles are a very nice way to share body contact, sometimes with strangers in a predefined setting. Clothed can also implies non sexual sexual, and it is important to negociate this point during the introduction. The can be guided, calm, energetic and playful. Music plays an important role as it provides the mood. The facilitator should create a space with clear do and donts to allow everybody to relax and feel good.
Erotic fighting is a high energy guided 1h workshop to learn a few moves to use in bed to powerplay or simply boss around your partner(s).
Goal: to learn a few moves inspired by martial arts, to learn how to playfully move you partner around, to feel confortable with sexual play (biting, spanking, chocking, licking, kissing, etc …)
- arm lock and reverse
- guard position
- arm chocking from behind
- leg triangle
- arm lock and neck biting
- foot lock and tickling
A nice warm up for this workshop is to have 5 mins sock fight where one person win when is able to get the sock of the other person.
Tantra/breath meditation (clothed and only with light contact)
Ropes focusing on connection
Bondage jams with non-sexual focus
SECOND LEVEL ACTIVITIES
Liquid Love is a collective experience exploring the sensuality of flowing skin to skin contact using warm organic oil. The concept is simple: we will pour warm, fine, neutral oil onto your skin, from where it will spread out over your whole body and form a lubricious substance, which allows you to float in a sea together with other oily bodies.
Everyone is invited to respect their own rhythm and limits to touch and nudity.
We invite you to move and allow yourself to be moved without intentions or sexual orientation. Releasing our usual desire to take action on erotic sensations and thoughts, we invite you to be present with them and to relax into the energetic flow of the bodies around you. This is a place where you can love and be loved in an impersonal and unbound manner and above all a place to supercharge your soul.
Spanking workshops can exists in many form and shape, and it’s often left to partecipants to explore the intensity and the playfullness of their experience.
Sensual spanking, erotic spanking, spanking related to BDSM are all for of spanking that can be explored and used at a tool to create connection and strong body sensations.
Even though a spanking workshops is a fun experience it can also be used as a tool to allow people experience different state of mind. What is often referred to subspace is a meditative state of mind induced, but not only, by pain and the feelings of exhilaration associanted to it.
Spanking workshops are often guided activities, spanking jams are also possible where people gather to enjoy a collective session.
- Safe word
Hysterical literature is a funny exibitionist way to share you love for books. It consist of one person reading and one other stimulating him/her under the table until she can’t take it anymore. Usually the focus is on the person reading. It’s more a show than an activity, but it can serve as a nice warm up for a play party.
Possible variants are one person reading and one or more people openly distracting with caresses, biting, etc. This can be more of a group performance.
Penis and pussy decoration
A funny group activity where genitals are decorated. The facilitator should provide a bit of material for the decoration and give people ideas to let their immagination go wild. This can be coupled with a penis / vagina parade or a photo shoot. This is a collaborative performance.
Penis and pussy naming
A funny group activity where genitals are named and baptized. This is a collaborative performance that can be played as a workshop or as an opening for a playparty.
n-hands naked massage
Pussy and penis molding
Ropes naked focusing on pain
No-limits bondage/BDSM jam
Group Masturbation/ Self love circle
Food and lust
Sexual fantasies representations
Boobs / penises / vaginas appreciation / parade
- spanking with leaks
- dildo carving with ?
- orange flashlight
- mango fingering
- banana blojob
Put the chocolate fondue two people face and have a two teams licking them clean in a race
Variations: have the two people naked and dispose fruit on their body to deep it in the chocolate while liking.
Orgies / Sex parties / Play parties
- Rhythm: Every 30 mins or so, give a sound signal to remember everybody to check if they are happy with what they are doing, if the want to change, or just to give a high-five and keep going.
Holy whore/temple offerings
No-limits bondage/BDSM jam
Consensul non-consensual play